Food. For. Thought.

Right now I am feeling annoyed. I’m trying to make sense and understand the purpose of someone following up on a conversation (via text) and then disappearing into thin air. One sided conversations kill me.

There is something about this behavior that drives me mad, signifying mindlessness and negligence. There’s also a sense of selfishness and lack of respect for another person’s time.

Am I being a nazi? Maybe. But I see this like etiquette. Like having manners. There are some things you do that are socially acceptable and others that are not and in my book of rules, this act is unacceptable. So why do I tolerate it? Because I know that random things come up that can distract us and therefore disrupt the flow, making it difficult to respond instantly or maintain a semi-decent conversation. I get it, people are busy and can’t always get back to us on time.

Fiiine. So what about when it’s visible that your response was read and it’s been 4 hours since you sent your answer? Then what do you do? Well, what I do is start becoming obsessive and compulsive attempting to solve the mystery of being texted in the first place. This confuses the shit out of me and makes me feel like I’m from a different planet. Why text when you’re  going to fall off the face of the earth and reappear god knows when?

That’s not fun for me.

It feels so half-assed. Like an afterthought. Eww. I don’t want to entertain this, nor do I want to be part of the entertainment. It’s wild how I can hear the thoughts in my mind play out as I type this. The conversation endless in tangents, is happening between two voices in my head which are renditions of some type of characters I must have created based on a mixture of Friends, Sex & The City, and some Comedy special on Netflix that I identify with. Either way, it’s good to be slightly more aware than I was before a week ago when I didn’t feel so … so … unattached. It’s weird because although it feels more freeing, I still have some fear towards the emotional transition that’s taking place.

There’s a lot of fear in losing the connection due to being true to myself but there’s more discomfort if I stay where I’m at. And the fear stems from abandonment, feeling like if I am myself, I will be found out and punished. Because if I am me, my real self, I am full of flaws and once they’re exposed then I won’t be liked anymore.

Food. For. Thought.

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