Just yesterday, I wrote about the concept of the Twin Flame lovers and how I feel that my last relationship resonates with this ideology. Today, it dawned on me that although I feel better at being able to identify his role in my life and who he was to me (or who I perceive him to be), that it did not at all help my situation.
You see, by putting him (or myself) into a category, I was ultimately limiting myself. I was keeping myself hostage from loving deeply and wholeheartedly again because in my mind I was convinced that he was “the one” and there would be no one else that could fill his shoes. Hmmm, I smelled bullshit. Where the hell did this come from? Well, let’s rewind and investigate further, see if this has been a pattern of mine.
- For starters, there was that one time where I thought that my ex-husband was the only man for me and that he was my soul mate. Fast forward to 2019, I no longer feel this way. AT ALL. But I can see why I felt that way at the time; he provided me with a very strong foundation and support when I needed it most. He helped me with my self-confidence and outlook on the world so I can’t blame myself for believing in the fairy tale.
- After my marriage ended, I dated this dude from LA who I also felt very strongly about and believed that he could potentially be “the one”. Fast forward to 2019, I no longer speak to him and sometimes wonder “what the fuck was I thinking?”. Only to realize that I was in lust, coming out of a 10 year relationship, and needed an outlet for all the suppressed emotions. Plus, because I felt heard and seen by him, I was ferociously smitten. But once the fire sizzled down and the facade faded, I saw the situation for what it really was.
- Now this. Here I am, in the same predicament, conjuring up a story that HE is “the one” for me. Oh, Helen.
This is where I get on my knees and praise the inner divine for allowing me to see this with a new perspective. There’s some clarity arising here; a shift starting to take place. I really don’t want to assign labels to anyone or anything. If anything it just makes me feel worse, makes me feel like I’m dragging my feet through the mud. There’s a feeling of resistance here too, like I’m going against the stream, rather than with it.
Here’s what feels better: the idea that there is no one person who is right or wrong for me. That there is so much love in me to give that it will ultimately attract a being when I am ready. It feels good to LOVE him even though we are apart. To love him while he’s on his journey, finding himself, the way I am finding myself.
It feels good to just BE. To accept the way things are and let go of any beliefs that I’ve acquired to soothe my broken heart. Because I already KNOW that we are more than just a label. We are LOVE. ♥