My Love Affair with Poetry

I’ve discovered that there is one thing that keeps my heart happy regardless of my relationship status. That thing is writing. 

In the past year, I’ve come to learn that I turn to writing poetry when I’m the most vulnerable, the most hurt, or the most heartbroken. And, a breakup, although tormenting in many ways, is actually a wonderful setup and provides so much juicy content! Thus, since my last breakup, I have been keeping my thumbs very busy as I ferociously spewed out rhymes on the F train to and from work (if you’re not from NYC, the F is one of the many NYC Subway trainlines that travels from Brooklyn to Queens).

I’ve compiled a few poems over the year but have never publicly shared them with anyone (except for the ocassional drunk moments where I would feel brave enough to show my friends what I had written) because … well … because I was terrified of being judged, criticized, and not being “poetic” enough. This fear is still very present and I am still very timid about strangers seeing my heart. However, since reading Rising Strong by Brene Brown, something in me shifted and I now use the fear as a guide to not only keep sharing, but to continue being as vulnerable and honest as I can. There’s something so magical (and beautiful) when you let go and surrender to the fear. There’s a quiet power in letting others see you in your pain and yearning.

I began writing the poem below a couple of weeks ago, after my breakup. I was grieving so hard (still am) and the process of writing and creating poetry gave me a sense of purpose. It filled the space within that needed loving and attention.

Our story was scripted before our souls met 
when we crossed paths in this lifetime 
we loved fully, without any regret 
The wind carried you to me 
your scent so sublime on my skin 
my fingertips grazed over your lips
caressing passion from within 
We were like kids in a sandbox 
mesmerized by the sand  
got lost in the moment 
our bond just could not withstand 
So when did you know? 
when was it enough?
I believed we would make it
that we would rise to the top
I’m enveloped in darkness
the resistance is strong 
confusion lingers nearby
will the pain go away? it’s taking too long!
I’m reaching for comfort 
I need food for my soul 
in desperate need of healing 
like a fallen warrior, I have no choice but to endure 
There goes that voice 
the one that whispers “you’re fine” 
don’t feel any sadness my baby 
it ain’t worth your precious time 
But how can I not? I’ll be neglecting the truth
I need to surrender, need to let myself feel
feel the pain in my belly 
grant myself the permission to heal ♥

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