I’ve discovered that there is one thing that keeps my heart happy regardless of my relationship status. That thing is writing.
In the past year, I’ve come to learn that I turn to writing poetry when I’m the most vulnerable, the most hurt, or the most heartbroken. And, a breakup, although tormenting in many ways, is actually a wonderful setup and provides so much juicy content! Thus, since my last breakup, I have been keeping my thumbs very busy as I ferociously spewed out rhymes on the F train to and from work (if you’re not from NYC, the F is one of the many NYC Subway trainlines that travels from Brooklyn to Queens).
I’ve compiled a few poems over the year but have never publicly shared them with anyone (except for the ocassional drunk moments where I would feel brave enough to show my friends what I had written) because … well … because I was terrified of being judged, criticized, and not being “poetic” enough. This fear is still very present and I am still very timid about strangers seeing my heart. However, since reading Rising Strong by Brene Brown, something in me shifted and I now use the fear as a guide to not only keep sharing, but to continue being as vulnerable and honest as I can. There’s something so magical (and beautiful) when you let go and surrender to the fear. There’s a quiet power in letting others see you in your pain and yearning.
I began writing the poem below a couple of weeks ago, after my breakup. I was grieving so hard (still am) and the process of writing and creating poetry gave me a sense of purpose. It filled the space within that needed loving and attention.